


safe harbor

by hellavenue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), F/F, Family Feels, I Tried, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kid Fic, Maria Hill Feels, Minor Canonical Character(s), POV Maria Hill, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Natasha Romanov, Secret Marriage, What Was I Thinking?, fluff angst crack hell i don't know, maria hill as a guardian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-01 15:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellavenue/pseuds/hellavenue
Summary: when phil coulson visits maria hill in her office, her world turns upside down. natasha romanov tries to be a safe harbor to her wife. clint barton has always wanted to be an uncle. and the avengers have no idea what is going on.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> something new from me.   
i'm quite sure this fic will contain 10 chapters. slow updates due to my senior year.  
many thanks to my lovely beta reader, @directorhill !  
i have no idea what i was thinking when writing this, but i hope you'll like it.

Maria was exhausted. Meetings with several people that she did not even want to meet drained the whole energy she possessed that day. Feet on her desk, she was devouring the box of Chinese noodles she ordered with J.A.R.V.I.S’ help. The pasta was her second meal that day. And because she had gone too many hours without food, the meal tasted like heaven. She knew it was not the healthiest lifestyle, but she pushed that thought away from her mind as soon as she dug in the box.

She was munching the noodles, when the doors to her office opened, causing her to choke on her food. Coughing, she took the feet of the desk grabbing the nearest napkin and wiping her mouth with it. Her eyebrows were on the level of her hairline now, but seeing her former colleague at the office she owned in Stark Industries was an unusual sight. 

“Phil? What in the world are you doing here?” she asked, not hiding a surprised expression on her face, and cleared her voice.

“You still have some soy sauce on your face,” he chuckled and pointed at the upper part of his chin. He sat on the other side of her desk and put the satchel on his lap.

She rolled her eyes and wiped her mouth out with wet wipes and straightened up on her leather chair.

Well, technically Stark’s chair.

“What’s so urgent that you didn’t even deign to call me? Something happened to Fury?” Maria moved uncomfortably in her seat.

“The boss is fine,” he stopped and looked down on the file in his hands. “Maria…, Agent Thomson… Things in Europe were getting rough, she was in the team sent as a backup for the boss. Sophie... she didn’t make it, Maria,” he whispered.

Phil’s words took her about. The air from Maria’s lungs was sucked out, making her organs feel like two prunes. Two wizened prunes, as dry as a bone. She was not sure if the surrounding was real. If Phil was real. Was she real? She kept a neutral expression on her face. Something she had learned years ago, in the military. She found it easy, turning the emotions off. A habit she never lost. 

“I wanted to tell you that in person, I know that you and she formed a strong bond over the years. But that’s not the…” His voice was barely making it through the vitreous wall, Maria felt she was separated by from the man.

“I was her handler, Phil. I was her friend,” she interrupted him suddenly, staring into space, her voice drained from any emotions. “She is.. was,” she corrected herself “so young. I..,” she took a deep breath. “I... She was so fucking young Phil. Sophie was a kid.” Maria moved her eyes to him.

  
  


“I’m so sorry, Maria. I know how precious she was to you. She looked up to you,” he whispered. 

Maria was quiet. She remembered the days in her career as a Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. when she would knock on someone’s doors, the flag neatly folded in her hands. The family would burst into tears in front of her and she would just stare, the material feeling heavy and almost searing her skin, despite the gloves she wore. The commander would tell them her condolences, keeping the whole proceeding as formal as she could.

Maria would have never thought she would be on the other side. That she would be given the flag in her office. She did not even log when Phil put it in her hands.

“This means you’re her daughter’s legal guardian now.”

“I know,” she nodded slowly, trying to stop her hands from shaking, as she put the white-red-blue material on the glassy surface of the desk.

Maria stared at the flag with a blank look for a couple more minutes. 

It looked odd. Incongruous. Wrong.

“Where is she now?” she asked after the long, quiet pause.

“At our temporary base. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s psychiatrist is taking care of her, so does a well-grounded in a pediatric case agent.”

Maria stayed quiet for the next few minutes. Her mind was racing faster than it was supposed to. She was not ready. She was not ready for such a responsibility to take.

“Maria, you’re not alone,” said Phil. “You have Nat. You guys have Clint and Laura. You have me. You have the Avengers for Thor’s sake. You are not alone, okay? We will help you.”

Maria wanted to believe she had Natasha by her side.

* * *

With her shaky hands, it took her a while to insert a key into the lock of her apartment.

Her briefcase felt heavy, American flag folded and placed in a pigeonhole of her leather portfolio. She turned the key and stepped inside, leaving her belongings in the hallway.

“You’re early.” Natasha didn’t hide the surprise in her voice as she leaned on the wall and watched her taking the shoes off.

Maria did not answer or looked in her wife’s direction. She got past the redhead, unconsciously making her way to a white, comfortable couch. Liho meowed and brushed her head against the brunette’s thigh as she sat down. The cat, seeing that her owner did not cuddle her jumped off the furniture and a moment later disappeared behind the corner of the hallway, leading to the master bedroom and Maria’s study.

“Maria, what’s wrong,” the redhead asked, taking place next to her, her eyes focused on the commander.

Maria did not know where to begin. She was staring at the turned-off TV set in front of her, chewing imperceptibly on her bottom lip from the inside. She turned her face slowly to her wife and moment later clung to Natasha, placing her head in the crook of her neck. She did not allow herself to make a sound, so the only thing confirming she was crying was her shaking shoulders. Maria did not want Natasha to see her broken but she could not help it. After some time, she let out very quiet sobs. The commander could feel redhead’s hands, stroking her hair, then shoulders, and finally moving to her back. She had no idea how long they were sitting like this for, but at that moment, time was a relative term to Maria. She just wanted to never leave the protective hug of her partner.

“Sophie is dead” she finally choked out after a few minutes.

Or hours.

“I’m so so sorry Maria,” the redhead whispered into her head after a few seconds, tightening the hug.

She closed her eyes and made herself as small as possible, in Natasha’s arms. She leaned her head on the assassin's chest and nestled up to her, as though her wife was her only safe harbor in the dark that surrounded her. She let an ugly sob escape her lips. They sat in silence, which was interrupted from time to time by her cry.

Maria knew the pain would go away, eventually. She did know it, she got adequate training for fuck’s sake. She should have been strong. She should not have broken like that. She…

Maria let another sob to escape her swollen lips.

_ “ Баю-баюшки-баю,  _

_ Не ложися на краю.  _

_ Придет серенький волчок _

_ И ухватит за бочок.  _

_ Он ухватит за бочок  _

_ И потащит во лесок,  _

_ Под ракитовый кусток.  _

_ К нам, волчок, не ходи,  _

_Нашу Машу не буди.”_ *****

Natasha’s voice was soft and quiet, her arms rocking her slowly in the rhythm of Russian lullaby. She held her like a child, pressing Maria’s head to her chest and stroking her hair. She sang beautifully, deep voice, putting a strand of brown hair, which escaped from a bun, behind her left ear.

Maria felt distressed, frightened and hopeless. However, she knew she would get better. She had to. She was just… letting the humaneness out to take a quick breath, before she would bury it again. The commander let herself be in the arms of Morpheus. And Natasha’s.

* * *

Maria to her surprise woke up in their bed, her formal dress superseded by washed-out S.H.I.E.L.D. shirt. Her head hurt from crying. She rolled over to the nightstand and grabbed her phone to check the time. She felt her stomach drop, looking at the animated clock. It was nine in the morning. Maria immediately got out of bed, feeling dizzy, her mouth dry. She exited the bedroom and made her way to the interconnecting kitchen with the living room.

“I was getting worried about you. You slept for like… seventeen hours I guess?” Maria heard a soft voice coming out from behind the TV set.

“I’m late to work. Pepper is going to kill me,” she mumbled and opened the fridge, only to close it seconds later.

“I called her when I got you off last night. She said she understood and that you could take a week off,” Natasha said and Maria could feel the green eyes staring at her.

She did not say anything in response and moved to the sink. She turned on the tap and leaned across to ravenously drink the water. The brunette stood like that for a few minutes, quenching her thirst and allowing the cold liquid filter down her face. A warm hand on her shoulder made her shiver. Maria quickly splashed her face with water a few more times and turned off the tap.

She turned to face Natasha. The woman cupped Maria’s face in both her hands, wiping the drops away from under her eyes. The former commander closed her eyelids and rested her forehead on the redhead’s. Their lips connected moments later in a slow kiss, full of both sadness and protectiveness.

Maria felt empty. Did people always feel like that when they lose someone? Was it normal?

She could not recall the last time she mourned someone. She was not sure if she ever did that in her life. Her mother died while giving birth to Maria, so she did not have a chance to miss the woman. She never got to know. Her father was… well, she was not sure if he was still alive. They barely spoke to each other, since she left for the marines. She did not mind it at all. It was better when he was not a part of her life anymore.

Other agents died. But it was not the same. Sophie was different.

“Hey you,” Natasha whispered, breaking the kiss and connecting their foreheads again. ”A penny for your thoughts?”

“Just thinking about Sophie,” Maria swallowed hardly.

“Mhm,” Natasha hummed, “hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Come on, I’ll make you any healthy food you wish, commander,” the redhead said playfully, easing away from Maria.

“Nat, you can’t cook,” she chuckled.

* * *

“Maria, what else is on your mind?” Her wife's voice was very distant.

She slowly turned her eyes away from the screen. Natasha insisted on watching their favorite Disney movie, “Mulan” for the hundredth time but Maria did not pay attention to blinking, colorful television pictures in front of her.

“Nothing,” she lied and cracked a smile. “Shall we resume the movie?” Maria wrapped herself more tightly in her favorite, soft and white blanket. Before she could even reach the remote, it was quickly snatched away from her sight.

“Don’t lie to me, Maria”.

The former commander swallowed hard and closed her eyes. 

How was she supposed to tell Natasha she had a secret when they had promised to be honest with each other? This was not something they could work out, laugh down or easily forget. No, this was a storm maker. A tornado maker. The end of the fucking world maker. 

“Sophie had a daughter,” Maria started carefully, biting her cheek from the inside.

“That blonde-haired girl you always give your doughnuts to? Yeah, I remember her. Poor kiddo.” She was brushing her thumb over Maria’s palm.

“ You know, Sophie was a single mother,” she began slowly, taking a deep breath. “For most of the time, she had help from her mother but the woman passed away one year ago.”

“Aw, that’s so horrible,” Natasha whispered, squeezing her hand a little. “Doesn’t she have other family? A father, perhaps?” she asked.

“Nope,” Maria hesitated. “Sophie had stated in her papers, not to let the father take care of her daughter. You know, I was pretty close to her, we talked about many things.”

“Yeah, I remember. How old was she? Twenty-six? Twenty-seven?”

“She was twenty-five this year. I was like an older sister she never head, I guess? I knew quite a lot about her. She trusted me. With her life, when I was her handler before S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. And with her daughter. Nat, I used to take her for fucking ice creams when Sophie had to take up exams for the upper range.”

Maria was breathing heavily, as closer of revealing the truth to her wife she was. The picture of a little girl formed in her mind, causing her to close her eyes for a second. She still remembered the days when Sophie had no one to leave her daughter with, so she would bring her to the headquarters. Fortunately for the young woman, S.H.I.E.L.D. had no thing such as policy against kids at work, as long as they did not interrupt other employees. Maria would often exchange smiles with the blonde-haired girl in the common canteen. Sometimes, Maria would even bring her to her office and let the girl draw 3D drawings on holos, Stark provided the agency with.

“I didn’t know you’ve got such a soft spot for kids, Hill,” Natasha cracked a smile. “I mean, you’re great with Clint and Laura’s but you know, I thought it’s only because they’re our family. So, the girl. She will be an orphan now, won’t she? I hope her daughter finds the right foster parents soon,” she cocked her head to the left, her red shoulder-length hair cascading down the shoulder.

Maria’s heart pounded in her chest heavily and loudly. She could feel her blood, traveling through her whole body, to keep her alive. But Maria felt completely the opposite. She felt how sweaty she was and how deep she had already dug her own grave.

“Maria, what aren’t you telling me,” she heard redhead’s voice from the distance.

“I’m her legal guardian now,” Maria whispered.

“I beg your pardon?” Natasha took her hand away.

“Natasha, you have to hear it through,” she caught her wife’s hand but the second woman moved away.

“We had an agreement, Maria. No lies. No secrets! You were the one who fucking insisted on that rule!” Natasha rose to her feet, her blanket falling on the floorboards.

“I know babe, but…,” the former commander was immediately cut off.

“Don’t you ‘babe’ me, Maria Hill!” She snapped. “What were you thinking? No, why are we having this conversation only now, in the first place! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

Natasha breathed loudly, her nostrils flaring from anger. Maria met her eyes and shivered when she saw in the green eyes she loved nothing but betrayal, sadness, and distrust. She got up from the couch, her blanket joining assassin's on the floor. She slowly approached her wife.

“Nat… Let me explain,” she whispered.

“You’ve got two minutes, starting from now,” she glanced at her smartwatch.

“Why don’t we sit,” Maria offered, her voice soft and quiet.

“One minute, fifty-six seconds,” Natasha did not make any move towards the furniture, crossing arms on her chest.

“When Sophie asked me to become the legal guardian, I was taken aback, okay?” Maria started. She knew better than to test the Black Widow’s patience. “I had no idea that the girl had so much trust in me to deliver her kid to me. Nat, it wasn’t like: “hey you know what, sure, I will be your child’s legal guardian, hand me the papers!” I thought about it for days. Weeks. Months. I didn’t want it at first, because why would I even do something like that? For what?” She stared into Natasha’s eyes.

“Yeah, exactly. For what. Maria Hill being irrational, I never would have fucking thought,” the redhead jibed and let the corner of her mouth go up a little bit.

“I’ve never had a mother figure. I know how it feels to grow up without any women around you, I know how it feels when you’re abandoned,” she continued.

“So do I,” the redhead interrupted.

“Natasha, don’t get me wrong but I’m talking about a different type of abandonment. Where you know you had parents…”

“I know I had parents!”

“...because you spend some time with them. My father was abusive and I never treated him as a family, but he was still around. So guess that’s why I agreed. So if something happened, she wouldn’t be alone. Like me, at some point.”

Natasha was staring at her, breathing heavily. Maria could not read the redhead’s thoughts or emotions. She was sensible of the fact she fucked up on this one. But she still had a few more seconds to finish the story.

“I didn’t tell you about it because I never would have thought Sophie would disappear. Die.” Maria paused for a moment. She added quietly. “I always thought that...this would never happen. But guess here we are.” 

“Here you are, Maria,” said Natasha and bend to pick up her blanket from the floorboards. “You make your bed, you deal with it,” she mumbled.

When she stood upright and faced her wife again, Maria’s heart clenched at the sight of the glazed look. 

“I want to be alone for now. I don’t care where you will sleep, here on the couch or somewhere else. Just… leave me alone,” she said and turned to the hallway.

Maria stood in the middle of the living room, “ Mulan” still on the pause. She heard the bedroom doors close loudly behind her wife, followed by a sound of punched pillow.

Maria was putting off her harbor.

* * *

*

Bayu Bayushki Bayu  


Do not lie down near the edge of the bed  


The grey wolfie will come   


And grab you by your tiny side

He'll grab you by your tiny side  


And drag you to the forest...   


Drag you to the forest...  


Down under a willow shrub.   


Don't come round, wolfie, don't wake up our Masha.

(i recommend listening to this cover: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk3FE90d2W0>)


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word of thanks to my beta reader, @directorhill.

“Raising a child. That’s… well, not what I was ever prepared for,” Natasha spoke, chewing pink bubble gum, staring at her phone.

“Neither was I,” Maria breathed as her grip tightened on the steering wheel of their black SUV.

“Hey,” the redhead turned her face to the brunette and placed a hand on her knee. “You’re not alone, all right? I’m still pissed at you but it doesn’t mean I’m not here. I recall vowing something to you, I think it went like: ‘I, Natasha Romanoff, take you, Maria Louise Hill for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.’”

Maria felt her heart beat faster and took her eyes off the road to glare at the redhead. 

“The whole wedding formula was so corny, but I meant what I said, Hill,” she smirked.

Maria Hill never knew how she caught the sun in both of her hands. It was sitting by her side now, baby-like, chewing a strawberry gum, scrolling the news feed on her phone. While the assassin was the sun, Maria was a plant. A plant with long, demanding leaves, desperate for sun rays so it could survive. And the former commander felt like she could make it when she was by the side of her Sun. Her Natasha.

“I love you,” she whispered and kissed the palm of her wife’s hand.

“I know, I hexed you to when I found out how comfy lying on top of you is,” the Black Widow smirked again.

“Oh?” Maria raised her right eyebrow.

“Don’t get your hopes up. I’m still mad at you.”

They arrived at the temporary S.H.I.E.L.D.’s base thirty minutes later. She left Natasha in the car and made her way to the entrance of the dam she had spent some time at, a few months ago. It didn’t change at all, although it was much more crowded and busier now. Maria missed the times when she would wear her combat boots and  camouflage pattern trousers, giving orders to rookies. However, she knew that working at Stark Industries in the human resources department was keeping her away from being thrown into prison. She owed Stark for that one.

She still stayed in touch with the base and trusted agents, commanding S.H.I.E.L.D. by stealth, thanks once again to Stark and his technology. It was difficult, and she often felt overworked but it had to last until Nick Fury returned from Europe.

Maria pushed the doors of a conference room to see a blonde-haired girl, coloring with crayons on the paper. Agent Jemma Simmons was sitting next to her, murmuring something, handing a proper pencil. The commander closed the doors behind her and slowly approached the table, taking a seat next to her new charge.

“Hey, Annie,” Maria almost whispered, touching the girl’s arm with her hand.

Big blue eyes immediately landed on her, stopping Maria’s breath. 

Sophie had blue eyes.

“Aunt Maria,” the girl whispered and clung momentarily to her. “Where is my mom? They’re saying she’s dead, but this isn’t true, right?” the small grip tightened around her neck and Maria could feel her green turtleneck getting soaked with tears. 

Maria held the child in her arms, stroking her back. She had to make sure Annie understood her mother was never coming back to her. No matter how painful it was to both of them, she had to do it.

“Shh,” she stroked the girl’s head. “Annie, I’m sorry. Sophie… Your mom is gone. It means she won’t be coming back. I’m so sorry.” 

Awkwardness was not a strong enough word to describe how she felt, having a crying child in her arms. Maria took a deep breath and slowly moved away from Annie. Puffy red eyes were staring at her, tears shining like sharp edges of diamonds. She put a hand on the blonde hair and smiled sadly.

“We are going to be okay, kiddo. We are going to be okay,” she whispered.

“Deputy Director Hill,” she heard Simmons’ voice. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was not expecting you to come. Did something happen?”

“Did Agent Coulson not inform you I would come to pick her up?” she asked looking at the girl in her arms.

“Oh,” Jemma stared at her and after a moment, Maria observed the young woman as her mind clicked. “ _ Oh _ ... so you’re the legal guardian, Ms. Hill. Agent Coulson said the information was classified, I had no idea it would be you.” 

The perplexed expression on her face made the commander chuckle. She broke the uncomfortable silence. “Any forms I should sign?”

Jemma was staring at her, her mouth closing and opening.

“Agent?” Maria snapped fingers in front of her face, pulling the young agent out of her thoughts.

“Sorry! And yes, there are a few. I would also like to inform you that Annie’s belongings have already been packed and they are waiting in one of the storage rooms,” Simmon smiled at her.

Maria signed every form that needed to be signed and moved Annie’s boxes near her car with help from some rookie agents. The woman made sure they were all back in the building and started packing everything on the trunk by herself. Maria opened the back doors and helped Annie sit on a booster cushion and put on her seatbelt. She finally sat on the driver’s seat and started the engine.

It was then when Natasha turned back, a smile on her face.

“Hi there, I don’t think we know each other. I’m Natasha, what’s your name?” she said sweetly.

Maria’s head snapped immediately in her wife’s direction, eyebrows on her hairline. She had to blink twice to make sure everything was real.

“Annie,” the girl whispered, briefly glancing at the redhead, and going back to staring at the changing landscape by the window.

“Sweet,” summed up Natasha. “What would you say for some ice cream, huh? What’s your favorite flavor? Eyes on the road, Maria.”

The commander opened her mouth but closed it immediately. Was Natasha already reconciled to raise a strange child? Was everything okay between them? Did Natasha trust her again? What did she do to deserve this? To be married to the woman of her dreams? She lied to her, for Thor’s sake! 

“Cookie dough.” 

“Maria, you’re officially overpowered. Cookie dough is the best flavor!” Natasha raised her hand for the high five. A small hand joined the redhead’s few seconds later.

“I respect your opinion, which is wrong. Everyone knows mint and chocolate is the best flavor in the world,” she answered, glancing in the rearview mirror.

“Who eats mint and chocolate ice cream?” Annie whispered loud enough for Maria to hear, making a wry face.

“Your aunt,” Natasha whispered back, a smile lurking in the corner of her lips.

* * *

“Okay, so,” Maria said as she put the last box of Annie’s belongings on the living room’s floor. “Why don’t we discuss some stuff, huh?”

They all sat on the big, comfy couch, ice cream flavors still on their tongues.

“You can keep calling me auntie. Or if you want to, you can call me just Maria,” she said slowly, observing the girl. “Your mom made me your legal guardian if anything happened to her. It means that from this day on, I will take care of you.” She felt redhead’s hand on her back, moving in circular motions.

“But I want my mom to take care of me.” Annie pursed her lips, her little chin wobbling slightly.

“I know. I know little one.” Maria took a deep breath. “It is important for you to understand that your mom… She’s not coming back, Annie. I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing we can do about it. And it’s not your fault. You’re big enough to understand that your mom died as a national hero.”

“Maria…” Natasha hissed.

“She has the right to know. She’s six,” Maria whispered.

“Actually, I’m seven.”

“See! She’s old enough to know what happened to her mother. Annie, your mom was sent as…” Maria started but was immediately stopped by Natasha, excusing her new member of the family and dragging Maria to the kitchenette.

“What the hell, Maria!” Natasha whispered. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that on her! She’s seven! Cooper is seven! Would you ever consider breaking the news to him like this if Clint…,” Natasha made a pause, “if he was gone?”

Maria felt as if cold water being poured on her. The whole situation was beyond her and she knew it. She knew she could not keep the situation under control; she could not formulate a plan of action. Maria was trained to take care of battered agents, not kids who became orphans. It was real life; She could not just walk away because nothing was going her way. However, Maria was a soldier. Maria never backed out of a battleground.

“You’re right,” Maria answered emptily.

She left the kitchenette and approached Annie.

“You already met Natasha,” she gestured on the mentioned woman. “She’s my wife.” 

She looked at the redhead. Natasha was staring at her, a slight smile hiding in the corners of her lips. Maria smiled back, hoping the moment between them was real, not another redhead’s play. Everything seemed suspicious to Maria. Why was Natasha so calm about this whole situation? She tried to read the answer on her wife’s face, but this time Maria felt like she did not know her. She felt like a stranger in her marriage.

“You two are married? Like two women?” Annie looked at them in surprise, her eyes widening as she analyzed the two women in front of her.

“Yeah, it was funny. Maria cried when I popped the question! You know, like in those romantic movies. She jumped on me and nearly bashed me into the floor! She was just like a puppy after that, I was eating cookie dough ice cream every day because she was buying them to show how much she loves me!” Natasha’s voice was serious and the girl’s eyes were widening with every passing second.

“Really?” she gasped.

“Don’t listen to her, she loves to make up stories. I surely didn’t jump at her and buy ice cream. I’m a commander. I have a reputation to keep.” Maria smirked.

“Did you know we have a cat?” Natasha asked and started looking for the creature. “Liho! Here, kitty, kitty!” she grabbed the black cat when it showed up under her legs. “She’s usually harmless, but she will have to get used to your presence first. After that, she will never leave you, especially if you cuddle her,” the redhead scratched behind Liho’s ear, making her purr.

Annie analyzed the cat and nodded her head.

“Maria?” she asked.

“Yes, kid?”

“Where can I go to sleep? I’m tired,” she mopped her eyes.

“Uh… I think for now you will have to sleep on the couch until Nat and I prepare a room for you,” she glanced at the mentioned woman. “But the sofa is very comfortable, I promise.”

“And you have a TV with cartoons!” Natasha added and sent Maria “we have to talk” look.

* * *

“This is insane,” Maria exhaled, as she closed the doors to their bedroom. “We have a fucking kid on our couch. A kid! With all of that plushies around her! Plushies, Natasha!”

The redhead raised an eyebrow at her and kept rubbing a body lotion into her naked thigh. Maria laid down on their bed, staring at the white ceiling. 

She had just tucked Annie in, making sure all of her teddy bears were covered as well since the girl was scared that “one of them would feel cold in the night”. 

This was insane. Suddenly, her life felt strange. Control was slipping through her fingers and she could only be an observer.

Maria groaned at the remembered memory from minutes ago and got up to take the rug off her hair.

“Thanks for today. I wouldn’t have done it without you.” she turned to her wife.

“I’m still mad, Maria. And I still can’t understand why would you do something like that.  I can’t even kick you out right now since the couch is taken,” she shook her head. “It all happened so quickly, we didn’t even have time to talk about it. Where is she going to live? She can’t stay in the living room forever.” Natasha put the bottle on the nightstand and took off a silky green robe, exposing her naked body.

“About that… I guess it’s time to say bye to my study,” Maria sighed. “It’s the only space we can give her here. Or buy a bigger apartment... house... whatever.”

“You will give up your study for her? You’re turning soft, Hill,” the redhead smirked at her and got under a quilt.

Maria switched the lights off and joined her wife in their bed. She was staring at the white ceiling again; The comforter itching her exposed skin.

“Nat, I’m sorry. I really am.”

“You still haven’t told me everything, Maria. I can feel that.” Natasha’s voice ripped of all emotions.

“No, I haven’t.”

Natasha was quiet. The commander turned on her side, facing the window. Their quiet, regular breathing was the only source of the sound in the room. Maria Hill hated to admit it, but she felt afraid. The vision of raising Annie was engulfing her. It was complicating her life a lot. She was already living four different lives; She did not want the fifth one to join the party. 

Maria laughed hysterically. She was attending a pity party right now.

“This is madness,” she whispered to herself.

The quilt shifted next to her and moments later she could feel the warmth of Natasha’s body, spooning her. Her hand landed on Maria’s hip, stroking it softly and slowly. The redhead placed her face in the crook of Maria’s neck, brushing her lips against the taller woman’s naked collarbone.

“I know you are sorry, Maria,” she whispered. “I… I think I just need time. It’s a lot to take in. But please, don’t push me away. Don’t… don’t do this to yourself, Maria. To me. We agreed to be honest with each other and…” Natasha took a deep breath. “It kills me when I don’t know what’s going on, especially with you. And you know that.”

Maria said nothing but squeezed her wife’s hand.

“I think I’ll go to work on Monday. I’ve started throwing pity parties for myself.”

“And you didn’t invite me? That’s the real pity.” She could feel Natasha smirking against her naked skin.

“Jackass,” Maria mumbled and closed her eyes.

In the redhead’s arms, she easily fell asleep but not for long. Maria was never a heavy sleeper, and she could notice there was something wrong a mile off. It was no different at that time. She opened her eyes and turned on the bedside lamp. She could also feel her wife, slowly waking up next to her.

“Did you hear that too?” the redhead yawned but stared at her, fully alerted.

Maria nodded. She got out of the bed and put her bathrobe on, slightly shivering from cold. Maria opened the doors slowly and listened to the strange sounds. Eventually, she heard quiet sobs from the living room. Her military posture was nowhere to be found anymore as she wrapped the nightgown around her body more tightly and moved to the main room of their apartment. She switched on a standing lamp on and glanced towards the couch.

A stuffed animal was being hugged by Annie, becoming visibly wet from her tears. Maria was paralyzed, staring at the crying girl. Her mind was empty and she could only look at the surreal, to her picture. Be an observer.

She did not understand how to deal with a crying child, especially when they had just become an orphan. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to act? Maria’s mind was racing now, looking for any solution to the problem.

“Hey,” she whispered, not sure if she knew what she was doing. She sat on the edge of her couch. “Hey, Annie. What’s the matter, munchkin?” she asked, recalling the nickname Barton would always use while talking to Lila.

She could only hear loud sobs in return. Maria sighed and scooped the girl slowly, grunting out a little when she realized a seven-year-old child was not as light as a feather. She sat her on her lap and gently hugged to her chest. After a moment, the hug was returned, small arms tightly wrapped around her torso.

“I... miss... my... mom,” Annie spluttered between loud sobs.

Maria stiffened a little, not sure what she was supposed to say back. Was she supposed to talk about death with a child? She stayed quiet, her hand rubbing the girl’s back in a slow, circular motion. 

“Which plushie would you like to take with you?” she asked after a moment.

“Sprinkles?” Annie whispered and pointed at the pink unicorn, laying next to the pillow.

“All right, we will take Sprinkles and your pillow then,” said Maria, putting Annie on one of her hips.

She gently bent down to pick up the stuffed animal and the white pillow.

When she turned, her eyes met with the green ones, full of love and something she could not name but made her stomach feel warm. The commander smiled at Natasha, who was leaning against the wall, staring at her.

“I love you,” the redhead mouthed as Maria got past her, her hands full of stuff she would never thought she would carry. “I’ll switch the light off,” she whispered.

Maria put Annie to bed and handed her Sprinkles and a big white pillow. The girl placed herself in the middle of the bed, sobbing quietly. The commander gently tucked her in and got out of the bed.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” she whispered and turned to the wardrobe. She picked up some random, worn-out S.H.I.E.L.D t-shirt with her name on the back, which served more like pajamas than her gym outfit, and cotton shorts.

Maria exited for the bathroom and avoided her reflection in the mirror, quickly putting the pajamas, or more like random clothes from her and Natasha’s wardrobe, on.

For the first time in life, Maria felt insecure. She had no railing she could lean on and it frightened her. She was alone, with no experience, and Maria felt a strong desire to drop everything and retreat somewhere where no one would find her. Nevertheless, she was Maria Hill, deputy director of S.H.I.E.L.D., a former soldier and a woman with life experience. She was not a coward. She was not a quitter. She could do it.

Maria avoided her reflection in the mirror.

When she returned to their bedroom, her heartbeat went faster at the sight of her wife, supporting an ugly, colorful mug Barton got them from Spain, in Annie’s hands. 

“Warm milk makes your tummy feel nice and more sleepy, you know,” Natasha, dressed in one of her spider-themed pajamas smiled at the girl and put a strand of the blonde hair behind her ear. The woman got the mug back and drank some of its content, smiling. 

“Auntie, do you want some warm milk to make your tummy feel nice?” Annie turned to her, clenching Sprinkles to her chest.

“I’d love to have some,” she answered, slowly sitting down on her side of the bed and taking the mug from Natasha, their fingers brushing gently.

She smiled at her wife and mouthed “thank you” before taking a sip of the warm milk. When they were finished with the drink, Maria switched the lights off and got into the bed. One of her hands stroked Annie’s head gently. The other one connected with Natasha’s, carelessly laying on the top of their quilt.

Maybe she could do it, with Natasha by her side.


End file.
